High-Fives and Shin Kicks Lead to Bad Decisions
(this was posted about 5 months ago, unposted, then I decided to stop being a puss and just leave it)
A while ago I met a local musician who had performed at a show I went to. He saw me dancing by myself with my eyes closed and shoes off and approached me. We talked a little, he gave me his name and we exchanged numbers. I went home, added him on MySpace, and looked up the bands he told me he was in. I found myself liking one of the band’s songs and charmed by the video that went with it:
I also found myself thinking that one of the fellows in this video was very, very cute. (not the musician, he wasn’t in it)
Musician and I went on our first date a few days later. It went fairly smoothly, interesting topics of conversation, we got a little drunk.. and I remember actually meeting the Music Video guy who I had thought was cute- he was a friend of the Musician. He was incredibly energetic and outgoing, and gave me a high-five or two in the short time he visited with the Musician and I. I didn’t take too much note, and the Musician remained my main focus for the night.
A week later I went out on a date with Musician again, and again we saw his friend, Video guy. I received more high-fives and enthusiastic greetings from the friend, but was still trying to figure out the potential for a relationship with the Musician. I started realizing that most of the connection I had built with Musician was based on camaraderie from silliness & drunken debauchery rather than real chemistry. When we weren’t drinking I was bored to shit with his conspiracy theories and viewpoint that the essence of life was magic mushrooms. I knew it wasn’t happening.
Another week went by and I was trying to get the point across that I’d prefer to just be friends, but I failed miserably when we went to a show together and I let him pay for all of my drinks. We had an alright time, and it just so happened that his Video friend happened to work at the venue we saw the show at. Video guy gave me a high-five once for a greeting, once as I passed him on the way to the ladies room, and once on the way back. But we still never had a conversation, and he barely interacted with the Musician. I was curious about Video guy, but wasn’t sure what his standing with the Musician was, and didn’t know if I’d ever run into him again after I called it quits with the Musician. I didn’t dwell on it, and at the end of the night I talked with the Musician and was pretty much certain I would never see him again.
A few days later I was at a local show with a friend when I turned around on the dance floor and saw Video guy. I figured three introductions and numerous enthusiastic hand-slaps justified a friendly hello. So I walked up and tapped him on the shin with my foot to get his attention. He turned to me and gave me a big smile, a hug, and (of course) a high-five. We talked for a while, flirted a little bit… and ended up dancing the night away together. At the end of the night I invited him to hang out with me and my friend at my house just down the block so he could sober up. He ended up coming over, my friend left before he did, we talked until 4 a.m. and ended up falling asleep next to each other- no kissing or cuddling, just snoozing.
At this point I thought I was golden. I had been worried that Video guy might have been good friends with my Musician, but I took the night of dancing and flirtation as solid proof that they were more acquaintances than friends since he obviously didn’t give a shit. I figured I was good to go without messing up a Bromance and I was happy.
So, Video guy and I hung out a few nights later. He ended up at my house, again, we were cuddling and talking when he turned to me and said:
“I have to admit… when you kicked me in the shin the other night, I knew I recognized you but I couldn’t remember from where?”
I sat up straight. Oh shit: “Umm… you don’t know where you have met me before?”
Video Guy: “No… I can’t remember exactly. Where have I seen you before?”
Me: “Are you serious?”
Video Guy: “Ya. I know I’ve met you but I don’t know where..”
Me (not knowing what to expect): “I saw you on Sunday at the Jessica Lea Mayfield show.. you gave me like 3 high-fives in 15 minutes.”
Video Guy (thinking): “On Sunday?…
At the show…
Oh FUCK!
You were on a date with my friend!”
Me: “..ya..”
Video Guy: “Oh SHIT, are you fucking kidding me? You were on like your 4th date with my friend 3 days ago!”
Me: “Ya.. I thought you knew.. I mean… you’d given me so many high-fives when I was with him and I thought you recognized who I was when I kicked you in the shin!!”
Music Video Guy: “Nooo… when a girl is with one of my guy friends I don’t look at her face or notice her or anything. If she’s with one of my friends I don’t pay attention! Oh my God, what the fuck, he is my friend!! This is wrong.”
Me (getting defensive ):“WHAT?! You high-five people you aren’t even paying attention too? Was I expected to know you were mentally blocking out my face when you so enthusiastically greeted me everytime I walked by you? Fucking control yourself!”
Video Guy: “My high-fives… you kicked me in the shin to get my attention! You knew who I was and you STILL kicked me!”
Me: “Ya but I thought you knew who I was! I wasn’t going to flirt with you until you flirted with me! But giving like 10 high-fives to someone doesn’t get them a place holder in your memory bank! You can just pretend to be that excited to see everybody!! Do you even know how many times you high-five someone in a day?!?!?!”
Video Guy: “ME?! Do you just go around kicking everyone you want to flirt with in the leg?! What did you kick me in the leg for if you didn’t want me to flirt with you?”
Me: “Okay- I DID want to talk to you, so I kicked you, but ONLY because you’d given me so many fucking high-fives!!!!! And you started flirting with me because apparently high-fives mean nothing to you!!”
And then I kicked him really Goddamn hard in the shin.
Not really, but I wish.
